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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23465071">only one life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/embalmers/pseuds/embalmers'>embalmers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, set in com through to kh2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:09:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23465071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/embalmers/pseuds/embalmers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They met once again with a sunset’s warmth bathing over them. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Axel/Naminé (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>only one life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She was a frail, tiny little thing, practically made to be used. The telltale signs, she curled in on herself, becoming as small as possible, keeping her head in that sketchbook. He hadn’t expected anything else. Just another pawn.</p>
<p>That changed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were so similar it scared him.</p>
<p>There was no way out of the organization. Axel had deluded himself into thinking that maybe by fulfilling everything that Saix asked <em> so nicely </em> of him to do, they’d be free of it’s hold on them and able to take back their personhood. Dirty his hands with deeds that shouldn’t affect him to find a way out, regain their hearts and feelings. Their friendship. </p>
<p>It only made him number. </p>
<p>But he doesn’t have a heart, doesn’t have emotions, so why was he still rubbing his hands to rawness with too much soap to wash away blood that wasn’t there after returning? Nobodies didn’t bleed.</p>
<p>He couldn’t recognise himself anymore. The illusion that he could regain his humanity was nothing but a pipe dream when he’d lost it all already. There wasn’t any point to it anymore when he was trapped. </p>
<p>Just like her.</p>
<p>And despite seeing himself in her, despite being the same little caged bird, doing what was ordered of him, what was demanded of her, he just used her like all the rest of them had. To further attain his meaningless goals. </p>
<p>Yes, it was meaningless. He had accepted that when he came back with Saix not even acknowledging said real friendship, no concern for him but only for where Namine had disappeared to, where the chamber was. Saix… Isa… He didn’t know anymore.</p>
<p>So he used the doll like everyone else for these pointless endeavors. How could he condemn Saix when Axel was just like the rest of them, clawing at any chance of feeling  something again, no matter the futileness? </p>
<p>That’s all that Nobodies knew how to do.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>She was just the same as all of them, a true witch down to her core. Witches didn't have their happy endings.</p>
<p>And why would she be any different? They were all Nobodies, using whatever selfish means they could to come within a breath of having a heart. Namine was no different.</p>
<p>An anomaly. No memories of feeling or a past life, only white walls. Born into the world alone, what did it matter if she stayed that way? The loneliness couldn’t have hurt that much, she had no heart, no way to feel that loneliness. Couldn’t remember it from long ago even if she tried. </p>
<p>But she did feel it. It hurt. It was a dull ache, always present until it had been washed away when she’d seen Sora’s face for the first time. A weight of regrets settling over her as she did one awful deed after another unto his memories. </p>
<p>Despite all logic, it hurt.</p>
<p>
  <em>And if it hurts for me, then Roxas. Axel. Everyone in Castle Oblivion…</em>
</p>
<p>Watching the pod that held a sleeping Sora, she wished it didn’t have to be this way for any of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They met once again with a sunset’s warmth bathing over them. </p>
<p>She was different now. So was he. Not for the same reasons but they’d both changed and that’s all that mattered to him.</p>
<p>Before, Axel had been scared of their similarities. Now it was something of a comfort.</p>
<p>Fear. Ease. He’d given up trying to bother discerning if they were real or memories of what they felt like. She questioned things; thought the feelings they had were real. He denied of course, what else could he do? There was no proof. Had to remind her that, himself more than anything to than anything, to stop himself from spiralling into what ifs. They did not have hearts.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh but that’s not true, is it? The loneliness is right there. You miss him. You won’t ever get back what Roxas gave you a glimpse of. You won’t ever get him back.</em>
</p>
<p>Staring at her nimble fingers, sewing up his jacket was the only way to ignore the truth she spoke setting in.</p>
<p>Both had lost one the one they loved, no way of ever getting them back. In the end, they had both played their roles perfectly. Like she’d said, it was too late. The only difference being, back then, it hadn’t been too late for her to fix things for her Sora. He’d given her a chance. </p>
<p>Now it was too late for Roxas. It was too late for all of them now. He couldn’t give her a chance anymore.</p>
<p>
  <em>I wish I could.</em>
</p>
<p>“Well, guess that means we’re just screwed. Folks like you and me… not really existing…”</p>
<p>He was rambling, he knew it. It was hard to concentrate on the words specifically when she was sitting so close to him. Fitting far too perfectly between his legs and her head just under his chin. </p>
<p>“We’ve got no place to run and no place to hide, huh.”</p>
<p>For all the numbness that cut away at him with each day in the Organization, at least there was a purpose, no matter how valueless it was. And in between that numbness, there were small blights of light when he was able to sit at that clock tower. It was something. Wasn’t that what Nobodies wanted, something to fill that little void? Could they want in the first place?</p>
<p>Now he had nothing. No Roxas, no heart, no place to return to. That was long gone. What had kept him going back then then had been the possibility he’d be able to return one day, regain that robbed childhood, regain what had been his closest friendship and the feelings from before. But things were never that simple were they? Not for them.</p>
<p>Her round blue orbs stopped following the threads on his coat, glazing over, turning down to the wood grained bench.</p>
<p>
  <em>What’s on your mind? Are you feeling scared like me? Can we feel scared at all? I don’t know what to do. Please tell me. Do you? </em>
</p>
<p>“But, we’ve got places we want to go, perhaps. And… people we want to see…”</p>
<p>Axel’s mind came to a halt, only her hair was visible not her face from how they were positioned. There was an urge to stroke it, he really didn’t know where it came from but it was there nonetheless. Until she’d said that.</p>
<p>She wanted to disappear. </p>
<p>Give it all up to complete a somebody who wasn’t even her. Why? Give up her entire existence, everything that she is so easily. It was all she had left. All that Nobodies could cling onto.</p>
<p>They weren’t the same. </p>
<p>When he one day faded, he would have no somebody to return to. It would be over, all of it.</p>
<p>Axel wasn’t sure where this sudden fire came from, but he didn’t want to give up his existence. Roxas was forced to. And he couldn’t save him. He’d fight until the end now, there was no point in being complacent anymore, not when the Organization would kill him if he fought or not. Not when he knew now he would never become a somebody again.</p>
<p>But she, <em> no</em>, Namine, he corrected himself. Namine would give herself up just like that.</p>
<p>Maybe if he had a somebody to return to he’d understand. Maybe if he didn't have any memories of a past life he'd understand.</p>
<p>He put a hand through her hair anyway, refusing to see what reaction he got from it, too scared to perhaps, instead staring out at the orange and purples bleeding in the sky.</p>
<p>“Yeah I guess we do.”</p>
<p>They were not the same.</p>
<p>But he could pretend for now; pretend he wasn’t so scared, pretend he didn’t want her to disappear, before they were gone for good.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>that right there is akunami, now let's talk about akunami, can we talk about akumani please mac? i've been dying to talk about akunami all day okay</p>
<p>i'm going to single handedly revive 2007 akunami fandom, kh3 shafted them so hard that i've got to live in 2007 instead so i shall! with this mess! if you havent read the kh2 novel or kh2 manga. PLEASE DO. youre missing out on some great off screen akunami interactions</p>
<p>i don't have anyone checking for spelling/grammar errors so sorry if there are any!<br/>thanks for reading</p></blockquote></div></div>
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